Not a poet... (Black History Month)

I wonder if it happens to all poets... if one day at some point, we all feel this way...
I've come back from Benin West Africa for a while now, and honestly, I feel like the poetry in me is no longer what defines me.
I still write from time to time, but poetry is no longer the main thing my life revolves around! It worries me... poetry is the only thing I do well, the rest of me is BECAUSE of poetry, so if I'm no longer a poet then... who am I?

I hope MsPoe comes back, I am missing her so... her freedom, her darkness, her morosity, in a strange and bizzare way, there was life in that, there was meaning. There was passion and emotion in every blue coloured poem she wrote in fury, furtively. I miss her perfectionistic ways coupled with her free spiritedness, I miss her understanding of how bleak man can be... but how bright man can also be.
I miss her revealing myself to me, I miss her truthful brutal honesty. With her I knew where I stood, even if unhappy of where that was.
She saw things as they were and appreciated it just as so, the comely and the brute...
I miss her. I miss her feminism and afroness. Black history month is here and nothing has been done to celebrate.

As autumn, (her favourite season), returns, I hope she awakens and leads me astray once more.
Leine.

Facebook

Now that I'm away... facebook helps me stay connected and I actually like the fact that it is useful as opposed to being the lazy option when it comes to forming relationships lol.

I miss writting poetry, I feel like I'm takinf so much in, that I can't create yet, but I miss it, that's what DO... Write.

Ah well, I shall write a poem soon, even if it's called writer's block part 2!

Voyage...

So like erm... yeah!
Lol

Dear followers,

I'll be blogging about my experiences here in "PAHRIE" and during the West African Road trip, on a new blog called "Voyage"... fitting non? Lol

Not sure about the format I'll follow yet: letter, diary, documentary, musings etc... I know not, BUT I'll be doing my thing, this you OUGHT to know :)
okie dokie and erm... thanks for reading I guess :)
Ciao... I mean Au revoir :)

Feel good factor

I live in Woolwhich, South East London, so there isn't much to do around here. We have a Heritage museum, and a library that has given me a few good reads, and there's a park (Maryon Park) 5 mins away from my flat, so it's not too bad. But sometimes it gets REALLY boring. There's the pier not too far either, but all these activities are very solitary (walks, reading, photography...).
Sometimes, you need company, and going "round ma mates house" all the time isn't always practical, partly because they all live far and paying £1.20 to go see someone ain't always worth it.
Tonight I feel it, that grey feeling of, well... loneliness I suppose.
It's embarassing to admit to feeling lonely, there is a stigma attached to it (geek, nerd etc...). But it shouldn't be.
It's not the fact that that there isn't REALLY somebody there (God knows I need my solitude, which always annoys lovers), it's just... I don't know, it's overwhelming sometimes.
And no, this isn't a pity party! Lol, don't feel bad or sad, I'm just expressing myself.
Well anyway, I'm going to go in the kitchen and make me some nice apple crumble, to indulge and feel good before going to bed :)
hihi!

Yes... I AM a feminist.

I have to say... my definition of feminism is both "advocate of women's rights" and "concerned with women's wellbeing".

The word "feminist" conjures up certain images in most men and a lot of women's minds (bra burning, short hair and no skirt wearing, of the masculine persuasion and homosexual orientation)...
I get funny looks when I profess that I am a feminist.

Now, being black, that's a double whammy, because my sisters and I are ALREADY burdened with the "superwoman" myth. We are "too loud, too rude, too independent etc..." compared to women of other descent.

Well I'm not. I don't HATE men, I don't even dislike them,in fact, I like them quite a lot! Some of my best friends are... lol.
I am a poet and a writer, something of a photographer and philoshopher. Definately a deeply spiritual person.
I cry, I laugh and I get upset.
Yes I am independant: I live alone and pay for my own bills (with mum and dad's help of course!). But I am a HOPELESS romantic... simply HOPELESS.
I enjoy the company of my male friends, and my one on one discussions with my sisters.
I am polite and considerate, educated and ALWAYS keen to learn new stuff.
I like guys opening doors giving up seats and pulling out chairs for me.
In relationships, I like being the "baby". But I know when to support my partner. When I get hurt, tears roll down my cheeks, I am not afraid of that. Sometimes I even cry when I watch movies, or watch the news, or when I am VERY happy.
I have NEVER had a physical fight at school. The time I did have a fight, in my adult life, was to defend myself against someone who was being brutish.

The list to prove that I am not "unaproachable" or whatever "they" will have me believe I am because of my skin colour, goes on. The list to prove that I am a woman in everyway, (which includes tender and mild), probably doesn't.

Now... I AM interested in the welfare of women worldwide. I DO think most women STILL get a bad rap.
I believe in femininity, and that women are generally better at certain things than men. I believe the reverse is also true, so you won't find me lobbying for certain things like "Anything you can do I can better in broken heels" or "women should not be viewed as whores if they are as promiscuous as men" (our bodies are gems, I am a firm believer that we DON'T have to emulate men in that manner) BUT I do think women should be able to choose what they want to do for themselves and not be knocked back down because of culture or RELIGION, or the simple fact that "that's not what women are supposed to do".
If I want to be the breadwinner what's wrong with that??! But if I want to be a housewife, no-one should come and call me a sell out, let ME choose MY life's patterns.
I do not want to be judged for my decisions, based on what is expected of me by anybody.
It should be the same for all women out there. It isn't, and I intend to help however I can.

I'm tired (no really) of being bullied and laughed at, debated with or not even listened to, simply because I am a FEMINIST. Men can be feminists too. (Refer to my definition).

I am soft and strong, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
PS:
I like Basketball AND Gerberra daisies,
I like babies,
I like Top Gear,
I love my red lipstick!
I like poetry AND politics
I like my trainers and jeans
I want to be hugged, held and pampered...
(Yes indeed)
I like her sensuality,
I like his.
I LOVE my raucous laughter
I love epics AND life drama.
I am both soft and strong...
And there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Memories

As I type this, Jill Scott: Just Wanna Be Loved, is playing in the background.

Wow, it has been a while! Almost a year since my last post... Hard to just continue, feels like I must re-introduce myself... But I won't, instead, this will be a little trip down "Leine's memory" (Pun intended). I was thinking about PMS 6th Form (college) today, and the "study room" which was more of a social area, than a place of academic interests. I remember my first and second year there, when the "boys" (Mide, Kobe, Theo and Keith), as well as most of the girls I went to secondary school with, were still around.

Plumstead was lively then, around "home time"! I remember walking through the "common" to get to the bus stops (51, 291... and of course the 53). I remember lunch time and the co-op, or the "chippy", I remember the rare times when we ate from the "Hungry Minds" canteen... Oh tell me you remember that place!!! Through the left side windows', you could see the Basketball court! Ah... the guys used to play during summer time. Is that where "Kobe" got his name from?!! Or was it in the Games hall?

After lunch was the best, Sally and I would sit on those short and hard and brown benches in that huge hall, round the middle, where that huge curtain (that seperated the place in two) would be and watch either the guys play or the girls dance, with the borrowed "boom box" from the music department! Ah those times! When Miss Burdette (whose name was really ALIDA, can you handle??? lol) would come and tell us to leave! Ghosh she was a pain, wasn't she? Then it would be back to the study room, sitting on tables and catching jokes (Mide's job), I remember when Adam broke the window... wait windowS! Lol, oh and remember how we had to use our SmartCard to open the "Negus" areas, like the common room. Oh the common room and it's pool table... I never learnt to play, too sad. I remember the vending machines and its exhorbitant prices, also remember the how friendly everyone was towards the guy who came to replenish the stock. I remember that thing we used to sit on, right opposite Burdett's office.I remember the stairs at the entrance... we used to hang out there too sometimes.

What about after classes, when Bukky and Nancy would do their dancing back in the study room!! Lol, "makossa" was always on the menu, and Ciara too ;). I remembered when Nana tried, as hard as she could, to teach me that "pulling the rope" move, I was as lost a cause then, as I am now lol. I remembered that BEAUTIFUL teacher, forgot her name, the one who dressed REAL good, who conducted the Negus' choir?!!! Every single guy fancied her, and the girls adnired her. I remember those MSN parties, all the dissing that went on... lol.

Rich times man... I remember that chinese restaurant in woolwhich too, we'd often gather, or rather, invade and eat there lol. I remembered Maura and the cerain "someones" who had crushes on her, lololol, I won't mention names, but yeah I remember... I also remember when Ade passed away, I was on holiday, in France, 1st of August 2004. I had no idea until I came back in Septmeber, and Nana told me, I was so devastated. Muna felt it more. I remember his voice and his rendition of Marvin Gay's classic in assembly, I had goosebumps, he sang beautifully. Ade would have been our age, on facebook, sharing his singing through myspace or youtube, he might even have been a contestant on the x-factor... what would he be doing now?...

On this note I leave you,

To wander through your own memories...

Walk down memory lane,

Remember faces, places

And names...

How much have we grown from all those years ago?!

Creatively Yours,

MsPoe.